The End

Can't be bothered anymore.

AFL or NRL? Amazing Statistics

36 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad cheques
117 have bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 currently are defendants in lawsuits and
84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organisation this is?

AFL(Australian Football League)?
NRL(National Rugby League)?

Give up yet? . . .

Neither,

It's the 535 members of the AUSTRALIAN PARLIAMENT IN CANBERRA

The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year, designed to keep the rest of us in line.

So much to blog about... so little time

We've been very slack bloggers lately. Many things have happened that I would like to blog about but I just never seem to have any spare time anymore. When did I ever have time to work?? I tell ya, this lady of leasure stuff is hard to do. I often think about getting a job but I just wouldn't know when I could fit it in.

Got a busy weekend coming up and then on Tuesday we're off to Melbourne for a few days to see Wicked and to do some shopping (so Bek tells me) so when we get back we'll get back into it..... won't we Robyn???

Ya don't even get that long for murder.... well not in Sydney anyway

The Fisherman and I recently celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary. I can't believe that we've been married that long and those years have gone sooooo quick, I don't even feel old enough to be married that long but I guess I have to be.

I was 17 when I met him and and about 17 and a half when I knew that this was the person I wanted to would spend the rest of my life with. So to all those people that said we were too young to get married and that it would never last.....

yeah YOU Danny... he told me how you tried to talk him out of it on that camping trip where ya's forgot to take the tent lol.

25th being silver anniversary, he gave me a silver snuffer with a crystal on the end of it... (because he couldn't find anything else silver that he thought I'd like)

to go with this....

yeah I know it's not silver (the snuffer was the silver part... pay attention) but isn't it beautiful. I have it on my dining room table and it looks fantastic.

and I gave him this....

and Bek gave us this gorgeous photo frame, I absolutely love it. She has such good taste and buys people the loveliest gifts. (wonder where she gets that from)

Does anyone know what this is??

I didn't either until recently. It's called Chocolate Pudding Fruit or Black Sapote.

This fruit is supposed to taste just like chocolate and is low in fat. Was I excited? you betcha.

I googled it and found that it should be ready to eat about 3 days after picking. It said that it wouldn't change colour but if it was ripe enough then it should feel a little soft when you press on it. Well every day I was pushing my thumb into it... still hard.

After 3 weeks I decided to try it anyway. From what I read it should be brown inside but this was kinda white with black speks all through it. Much like a banana goes brown if left too long, this was turning brown before my eyes, in less than a minute it was a really dark brown, almost black.

So I cut the brown bit off and cut a bit of the white bit out and tasted it. I have never spat anything out of my mouth as quick as I did this. It was the most disgusting taste, it was kinda hot and my mouth started stinging and my eyes watered. For a long time afterwards I couldn't get the taste out of my mouth.

I took it to show my dad but warned him not to taste it. Did he listen to me? No. Then he was grumpy at me for making him taste it lol. About 15 minutes later I noticed a funny yellow tinge all around his lips. He went to clean his teeth trying to get rid of the taste, scrubbed his lips with the face washer trying to get rid of the yellow lippy but nothing worked. Even brandy coudn't get rid of the taste.

A friend came around the other day and I was telling her about it and I had another one so I showed it to her. I dug my thumb nails into it and pulled a bit out to show her how quick it changed colour. I done it about 5 times and used both thumbs. Fifteen minutes later I notice both my thumb nails are yellow and getting yellower by the minute. It reminded me of real old men who had smoked for a long time and had nicotine stains on their fingers. I washed my hands with soap... nope, scrubbed my nails with domestos... nope... bleach... nope.... gee if none of those work I don't think anything is gonna.

I ended up having to cut both my thumb nails short and it looks much better but one of them still has yellow skin.

I gotta say I'm quite disappointed... I though I was gonna be able to have my chocolate and eat it too. Don't think I'll be trying this again tho and after such a horrific experience I think I'm gonna need some real chocolate to get over it.

Boots

Do I have a problem I purchased my 7th pair of BOOTS today!!!

Today's the day..... don't forget

Holidays

We recently had our Gold Coast holiday, it was soooooooo good... none of us wanted to come home. After getting our car we went to the place we had to pick up the keys to our apartment. It was in an office block above some shops. We went up in the lift to the floor this office was on... as we walked past an empty shop, Laurie said "I hope that's not it". After searching for this place I walked back to the empty shop to read the sign on the door.

OMFG... THIS IS IT!!!!!

Just a few weeks ago I seen on A Current Affair about people booking beautiful holiday apartments and when they turn up it's a dirty, cockroach infested dump. At this stage I'm thinking that a dirty, cockroach infested dump would be better than nothing at all.

There is a sign on the door that said if you were picking up keys, to ring this number. I ring them and there is no answer. I left a message and hung up. Bluddyfuken!!! Now what??? Then I remembered that they had rang me the day before asking what time we would be picking up the keys and they gave me a number and told me to ring back if I had any questions or anything. I search through my papers for the number and was relieved when someone answered. She told me that I should have been notified of the change and that I had the wrong address, she gave me the correct one which was in the next street.

What happened was, the apartment we stayed in is privately owned and is managed by this company. The owners have just changed to this company from the last one and I had the old address.

So we finally get to our apartment and I'm relieved to find that's it's not a dirty, cockroach infested dump, it's just like I'd seen on the internet. While it's not home, it was clean and comfy and close to everything. It had a kitchen that I didn't use much, laundry, ensuit, a balcony that went around the back, side and front of the living area and right opposite the beach. The weather was absolutely beautiful too... around 25 most days.

Anyway, after sorting that out it was all smooth sailing, everything else that I booked was ok, which kinda surprised me in a way because I'd done it all online. Something funny that happened, We went to a place called QDeck, I think it's one of the tallest residential buildings in the world. Looked at the website and thought it would be good to do, adult tickets were $18.50 each, kids $10 and concession $13. One day when I was booking stuff, I went back to the site and it said adult tickets were $1, kids $10 and concession $13. Obviously not right. So I booked them.

When we go there, Laurie gives the guy the confirmation email I had and the guy said that there was some kinda problem the day I booked them and that they would honour them. So it cost us $3 instead of $55.50. Likes big discounts :-)

Went to Movie World, that was pretty groovy. Loved the Shrek 4D movie. For anyone that hasn't been there, when the donkey sneezed I felt a fine spray of water all over me, there were little spray bars on the seats in front. The seats moved and air was sprayed out behind your head.

Laurie's highlights were getting his photo taken with

Marilyn and Cat Woman. He was as smitten as a kitten.

We went to Sea World, much like any other aquarium type

place but still an interesting and amazing and fun day out.

This dude was just lazing around in the sun

This gorgeous young lady was quite interested in us and kept swimming up the the edge where we were standing and then swimming into the middle of her enclosure and performing for us... we were the only ones near her enclosure so we felt quite special.

Not quite sure what Laurie was doing here....

Went to a few other touristy type places, Infinity, Wax Museum, that was very cool and heaps creepy. Adrenalin Park was just up from where we were staying and I wanted to see what someone getting off the Vomitron looked like. I'd seen the guys on the Footy Show get off it and they looked bad. They looked so funny while they were on it, you could see them swollowing while they were trying not to throw up and when they weren't doing that they were screaming something out that I couldn't hear because of all the beeping, then they get off it and straight away throw up. Anyway, we go stand infront of it and as it's spinning around I see a young girl on it and a guy about 20. He doesn't look as bad as the Footy Show guys but he's not coping too well. The 8 or 9 year old little girl way woohoo'ing and laughing. He got off and as he walked away I heard him say... "she's a freak". I couldn't believe it, she got off and ran to her dad saying "that was fun, I wanna do it again".

from the Wax Museum

Our Kylie

This looks very much like an Oirish

friend of ours don't ya think Robyn

Rolf Harris & Paul Hogan

Some Japanese tourist asked Laurie why this man

has 3 legs. Laurie told him that he had a really big

pecker so they just stuck a shoe on it to hide it...

he just nodded and walked away.

Went to Currumbin on our last day there. The birds are so amazing, so many of them and they're not a bit afraid, they sit on your head, all over you and push the other birds out of the way. They gave out tin plates to everyone around the fence with a milk and honey mixture with some vitamin powder in it. The birds absolutely love it. I could have stayed there for hours.

Wed night there were markets along the road from us. So many stalls and so much beautiful stuff. Bought way more than I should have and was getting worried about suitcase space. We also went to Carrara markets on the way to the airport to come home, it's a permanent market and has the most amazing stalls. Our bags were full so only bought small items here. Laurie got a new hat AND.... I forgot to mention, the first afternoon we got there he went out and bought a collapsable fishing rod and other fishing bits n pieces.

This is a Japanese undie sniffer. He was staying in an apartment behind ours and we were looking at him through the window, he picked up a pair of undies hanging over the back of a chair and sniffed them. Laurie says he was probably seeing if they were dry. Must be they do things different in Japan, I don't think I've ever done a wetness check with my nose.

Coming home is always nice but gee I miss that place. I miss sitting on the balcony and watching the sun rise while I have my morning coffee as the first surfers arrive. I love that I left all my obsessive compulsive idiosynchronies at home and didn't dry the sink till the very last day and didn't worry about all the brochures that were laying all over the place, or the shoes that were left all over the place and I never made the beds the whole time we were there. My family liked it too, I think Laurie even commented a few times how impressed he was that I was able to sit an relax amongst all the shit. I did however, have to go around the whole apartment and straighten all the pictures that were hanging on the walls and fix the curtains that just weren't hanging right within 15 minutes of arriving.

OMG!!!! We almost missed it

I can't believe it's half way over and I didn't even notice.

May is Masterbation Month!

Now I have done some research on this and I cannot find the extact date that it is to be celebrated. Some say the 2nd May, some say the 7th, in which case we have missed it. One site I looked at, and this is the one I'm going with, tells me the 28th May.

Of course Masterbation Month should be celebrated during the whole of May, that's why it's called Masterbation MONTH. I think the 28th is just the official day.

What I believe we should be doing is practicing for the big day.

Also, 31st May is Wank 4 Peace Day... click on the logo to learn more.

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to all the mum's out there. I woke up at 6.30, made some coffee and went outside for a ciggie. Came in and read email and the paper, finished my coffee and got back into bed and pretended I'd been there all along. Then Bek woke and came in with pressies, I got a pair of pj's with pretty shoes all over them (of course they would have pretty shoes on them if Bek bought them), a beautiful rose shaped candle, some bath bombs and chocolates... all my favorite things. :-)

I then announced that I was not going to get out of bed until someone brang me some brekky. Laurie and Bek bitched about who was gonna get it for me.... shoulda heard them. I can't believe I had to nag them to make me breakfast in bed ON MOTHERS DAY. Now I know they hate it so much... I'm gonna demand it EVERY Mothers Day.

Anyway, after much bitching between them, they finally decided that Bek would make the muffins and Laurie would make the coffee. Still had to wait half an hour. Laurie brang coffee and the paper and got back into bed. Bek followed with the muffins... 20 minutes later. Finished coffee, read the paper, had another snooze and woke up around 10.

Love lazy Sundays.

Yayyyyyy

I fixed it. It only took me a coupla hundred hours but I done it, I got rid of the stupid pink sparkly thing.

:-)

Bluddyelle.... I broke it

Like I said in the last post, we were going to change the look of our blog but I shoulda known better to fiddle with stuff I don't know much about when I'm drunk.

I've broken the blog and now Robyn is gonna kill me when she gets home. I just have to hope that she's drunker than I am and won't notice before I can fix it.

As you can see, all is well apart from the old pink 'Bitches Closet' sparkly pic at the top. I dunno... I have tried everything to remove it, I've even gone to the help pages and tried eveything that they've suggested but it's still there.

She's gonna kill me.

I'm slack but Robyn's slacker.....

I have been a very slack blogger lately. No reason, I'm just a slackarse. Still reading blogs and whippin Robyn's butt in rummy.

Life has been peachy lately, all is well in the bitches closet. Good news... Bek no longer needs oxygen when she sleeps at night and now she can fly, something she's never done before. So we're off to the Gold Coast in a few weeks. I'm really looking forward to that, we haven't had a holiday for so long. I've done my homework here and have every minute of our hols planned so I already know we're gonna have a good time. I've spent hours and hours on the net looking for accomodation, car rental, stuff to do etc.... Laurie's input = looking for fishing charters.... ppfffttttt.

Went to the Easter Show last week. Every year I tell Bek... this is the LAST year. Every year I give in and take her again. She has been every year since she was about 5... some kids I know have never been. Her friend who came with us this year, it was her first visit. Bek is spoilt and I need to work on sayin NO.

Laurie's love affair with his boat continues. He goes outside to do something that should take 5 minutes and wonders in an hour later with a naughty boy type grin on his face telling me he got sidetracked.

It's getting soooooo cold in the mornings now, heater on in the car in the mornings and air con in the afternoons. Also means my washing has almost doubled... winter clothes in the mornings and summer clothes in the afternoon. Every year I seem to feel the cold more and more, it's only just April.... what's it gonna be like in June.

Since Andrew changed the look of his blog it's got me thinking that ours is very boring to look at so we're gonna change it. Robyn and I have spent ages looking at new templates but are yet to decide on one. There are so many out there and I keep finding another one that I like, so far we have about 20 to choose from but there's none that I really like, lots of pretty ones but none of them are quite bitchy enough... guess we'll have to go with pretty.

Hey Girls ....... Dont Ya's Just Luv Me ?

See this green alien on the left... he thinks he is so cool.

But all the lovely girls don't care about the silly cheeky green goof.

The lovely girls are quite happy

enjoying the party

probably waiting for more grog.

They're coming........

Aliens are coming to abduct

all the hot, good looking

and sexy people.

Don't worry, you will be

safe, I'm just posting this

to say goodybe.

Be nice to your beaver....

Bitches in Boots

When I look at the searches that bring people here... probably 7 out of 10 people search for Bitches in Boots.

So..... here are some Bitches in Boots.

And incase I've got the wrong kinda Bitches.....

6 Unimportant things about me

This guy asked me to list 6 unimportant things about me... I told him that EVERYTHING about me was important... here's 6 of them.

One: I border on obsessive compulsive. I can be sitting watching tv and notice that the candle holder beside the tv is not quite straight. I cannot relax and watch tv, it keeps distracting me and I have to get up and straighten it. My kitchen sink must be cleaned and dried morning and night and god help anyone that splashes it before the next meal and the tap has to be inline with the middle of the two sinks. Don't get me started on water or toothpaste splashes on the bathroom mirror. I'm germophobic and a compulsive hand washer. I even carry a small bottle of antibacterial hand gel in my handbag and use it after touching anything that too many other people have touched... like shopping trolleys, public toilet door handles etc.

Two: I love nice smells. I use heaps of fabric softener in all my washing so that my clothes smell nice. I use the type in the little plastic satchets that you mix with water but I don't keep them in the laundry... I keep them in my linen closet, inbetween all my towels and sheets so when I use them they smell nice.

Three: I'm addicted to candles. I have so many candle holders in my house and I rarely go shopping without buying candles. I guess this kinda fits into number 2 because I'm always burning scented candles. The fisherman lives in fear that I'm going to burn the house down one day, specially when I get drunk and forget to blow them out before stumbling into bed.

Four: I have two dogs and a cockatoo. Bindi is a doberman x collie. She is 11 years old and the sweetest dog you could meet, although she's a good watch dog too and always lets us know if there's anyone around. We had a concreter doing some work and we introduced him to her so we thought he was safe, but when he turned up early on the third day and didn't want to wake us, he thought it would be ok to enter the back yard alone seeing how he'd worked there for 2 days.... wrong... I had to go out and calm her down while Laurie helped him down from the tree.

Charlotte-Rose is an 8 year old long hair chihuahua who is terribly spoilt. She is actually Bek's dog... they both think they're princesses. She is good at yapping at anything that moves, anything that doesn't move, making pictures out of clouds and yappin at them, getting under my feet while I'm trying to cook dinner and scratching at the side of the bed and barking for me to lift her up onto the bed at 3am even though she has a perfectly good bed of her own to sleep in.

Cocko will be 24 later this year. My brother-in-law gave him to us when he was a year old after he'd chewed holes in their lounge, the living room rug, the back verandah, the outdoor furniture, the kids bikes and toys etc etc.

He is so loveable and affectionate and loves a cuddle. He used to climb the fence and visit the next door neighbours whenever they were having a bbq and they'd give him a sausage, he also loves a beer.

He is actually a she. We had him for about 15 years and then one day he/she layed an egg so we'd got it wrong all those years. It's just hard to get out of the habit of calling her he and not she.

Five: I can't make gravy. I consider myself to be a pretty good cook, and I'm sure my family would back me up on this. I think. I hope. But I'll be stuffed if I can make decent gravy. It either tastes ok but looks like shit or looks ok but tastes like shit. I've given up and now I buy instant gravy or get my mum to make it for me.

Six: My favorite colour is green. Every room in my house is painted green, apart from Bek's which is pink but soon to be purple if I can get the painter out of the bluddyfuken boat. They're not all the same green though, there's a few different shades and nothing bright, don't like bright green. My couch is green, my floor tiles are green, my dinning table is green, my kitchen is green and my bedroom lamps are green. Most of my towells and sheets are green but not all of them. Oh.... and all my candles apart from the ones in the white candle holder thingy are green.

Your turn when you get back Robyn.

(Robyn has gone away for a girly weekend, 7 of them I think so maybe some interesting stories on her return).

The Mistress!!

That's right.... The Mistress.

That's what I've named his new boat. While I sit at home inside alone, night after night, he's down in the shed playin with his boat. He spends more time in that damn boat than he does in with me.

He comes inside with a big smile on his face and says....

"I love my boat" not "I love you baby".

FFS... how can I compete???

I can't believe I'm jealous of a bluddyfuken boat.

Give him back bitch or else....

stolen from www.lsgor.blogspot.com

Pauline Hanson had a mice plague.
She rang an exterminator who arrived and started playing the flute,
all the mice followed him into a river and drowned.
Pauline paid up , and asked
Do You Play The didgeridoo ?

Happy Fisherman

One drunken night a few months ago, silly me agreed to let the fisherman get a new boat. Dunno what came over me, I musta been having one of those 'love everyone when I'm drunk' moments. Well it took him a while to get it but he finally picked it up about a week ago and it's rained ever since. Just call him the drought breaker.

Today he finally got to put it in the water, no fishing tho, we just rode up and down the Nepean river. If he's going to fish then Bek won't go with him.

The Nepean is really pretty but after all the rain and flooding we've had around here lately the water is really brown and murky and it's much deeper than usual. There's lots of little water falls all along the bank so it's probably going to get even deeper. The wharf we usually use to get in and out of the boat was about 3 foot under water.

I know there's a few dark clouds in the sky but it was a beautiful day and quite warm, even the dog enjoyed it.

His new toy and the Log Cabin

The wharf that's under water and
the M4 crossing over the river

The weir which is now under water and one of the dozen or so water falls

The Nepean Belle & The Platypus

Harbour Bridge Pylon Lookout

When we climbed the Harbour Bridge before Christmas they gave us tickets to the Pylon Lookout. It's kinda like a mini museum on three levels. I've always been fascinated with the bridge and between the 75th Anniversary walk, climbing it and then the pylon lookout, I've learned a lot about it that I never knew. It amazes me that something so huge could have been built so long ago. OH&S was never heard of back then.

The view from up their is spectacular and unlike the climb you are allowed to take a camera.

Many years ago I worked in the taller of the two AMP buildings (the brown colored building behind the one half it's size over to the left) I never got tired of looking out the window... that could be why they fired me.

See all the lil people climbing the bridge

Well... the probably weren't little, they

just looked little from where we were

The opposite pylon, you can walk right around the outside

With Love By Hilary Duff

It would have to be the best Perfume

Its located in my car glovebox

I can always rely on Hilary Duff

One squirt and I'm felling brand new :)

Hilary Duff has been in my glovebox for over a year

Through the heat and freezing cold

And amazing Its never lost its scent

RECOMMENDED.

Belated Birthday

~Jo~

I'm sorry I missed your Birthday,The time flew by so fast.

I never realized that it was here,Until it had already past.

So let me just send greetings now,I hope it's not too late.

I wish you a happy belated Birthday,

Even though I'm late!

Hope it was wonderful!

Love

Robyn.

Tips Jo !!!!!

Courtesy When Playing Online Gin Rummy
When you are playing online Gin Rummy you will meet all types of players. Most of them are courteous, friendly players who just are playing to have a little fun and relieve some stress. Then there are a few that are arrogant, obnoxious, and generally rude to you and rather than be nice to a stranger they tend to let the more unbearable side of themselves show.
These are the people that you would like to avoid if possible. Since you are playing on the Internet it is very easy to simply leave that game and find another. It is a whole lot easier then suffering through game after game when you aren’t enjoying yourself.
As an Internet player yourself, you need to be polite to the person you are playing so that you will both enjoy yourself and might even strike up a pleasant conversation. That is why people play others after all; to chat with someone that they may have something in common with. You might not become best friends, but at least you can have fun for an hour or two playing a game you enjoy.
Enjoy the competition! If someone gets extremely lucky and continues to gin or knocks on the second or third draw you allow them to be happy for themselves, as long as they aren’t being rude about it. If you do find a lucky person then do not just quit in the middle of a game with no explanation to your opponent. If you do get knocked offline for some reason then get back as soon as you can and explain to your opponent what happened. It is very bad form to leave in a middle of game, and you are then considered the rude one.

Justaperve

There was a story with this photo, something about him advertising undies.... couldn't be bothered reading it.

Well... I finally done it

I climbed the Harbour Bridge... OMG it is soooooo high.

We were driving along the M4 towards the city and it started pissing down rain. Thunder and lightning, the whole works. I was wondering if I should call to see if climbs had been cancelled (the only time they cancel is during electrical storms or high wind) but Laurie said that seeing we were on our way we might as well go and have dinner or something so on we went. By the time we got to the city the sky had cleared and there was a nice warm breeze and it turned out to be an absolutely beautiful night.

First of all our group were taken into a room for the do's and don'ts of bridge climbing. Then we got dressed up in sexy grey overalls. Everything that we were given had to be clipped to our overalls, hair scrunchie, beanie, headset, head light thingy, rain coat warm jacket and hanky. I was starting to wonder how I was gonna climb with all this stuff.

At the beginning we walked through a short tunnel to the start of the bridge. We walked along the catwalk that leads from the tunnel to the start of the arch. I don't know how high it was but when I looked down the people below in the park looked like lil ants. When we got above the water I made a big mistake and looked down. I got a little freaked out and had to stop and close my eyes for a minute. Wtf was I thinking.... I'm scared just standing on a kitchen chair to reach the high cupboards, how did I think I was ever going to do this... and this part wasn't even that high, what was it going to be like when we really did get up high.

Luckily I was second from the end and Laurie was behind me so I didn't hold anyone up as I inched my way along. The more we climbed the more relaxed I felt, apart from a few times when there were holes in the floor beneath my feet and I could see the water down below and the huge ferry that looked like a lil toy boat. Had to keep reminding myself not to look down.

We done the discovery climb which is more about learning the history of the bridge than just climbing it. It was so interesting and our climb leader was so knowledgeable and also very entertaining. The higher we got the darker it got and more and more lights were coming on. What an absolutely beauatiful view from up there. We have such a beautiful harbour and it looks so much better from such a height.

Finally we made it to the top. It felt like we standing on top of the world, we were standing right up next to the two flags which look so small from the ground but are actually really huge. They are taken down every six weeks to be re-dyed and repaired as they become quite shabby from the wind. We got quite warm while we were climbing so it was nice to just stand up there for about 10 minutes and enjoy the nice cool breeze as I looked out over the city and into the suburbs. They say you can see the mountains (couldn't find my house tho) on a clear day and I can remember being at a lookout in the mountains one new years eve, we couldn't really see the bridge too clearly but we could see the fireworks.

On the way down, one of the stair cases came down between the two railway lines. The leader told us it was freaky to see the trains go bye so close and that we'd stop there and wait for one, well we got lucky, a train came in either direction and passed us at the same time. Someone infront of us mentioned how much the bridge moved when the trains went past and Laurie told him not to worry that it was only me shaking.

It was good to be on the ground again but it was an amazing experience and I'd do it again.

Wonder what these two are yappin about....

To Robyn

After serious & cautious consideration.....your Contract of Friendship has been renewed for the new year 2008. It was a very hard decision to make! So try to be more friendlier, caring and giving next year.

I am giving you another chance so ...... Don't fuck it up! cuz it's impossible to find a friend who is 96 % funky, 97 % kind, 98 % loving, 99 % talented and 100 % sweet. So don't lose me ..... OK...!

Robyns Tuckin Fypos

I've known Robyn for 3 or 4 years now and it's taken me this long to really be able to understand what the hell she's talking about. Persistence finally paid off... I can now read what Robyn calls her wanker text.

I have been collecting some of her wanker text to show you what I mean.

to gunny = too funny
atahursady = thursday
blss = bless
peend = pretend
snakk = small
7underthe arns = under the arms
mke = my
heleb = helen
rvrn = even
darl = dark
cabt = can't
hwkp = help
inagin = imagine
huryy bthen = hurry then

Of course she has valid reasons for her wanker text....

I'm smoking and don't want to get ash on the keyboard

I can't type as good on the laptop

I'm laying down

See what I gotta put up wiff

Boring !!!!

Yeah I'm A Boring Blogger !!!

The History of the Middle Finger

Well, now......here's something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to share it with my more intelligent friends in the hope that you too will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck yew").

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird."

It is s till an appropriate salute to the French today.

And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.

Happy Halloween

Now I'm off to remove the batteries from my doorbell before all the lil brats come to my door searching for lollies and interrupting the news, in the middle of cooking dinner and upsetting all the dogs in the neighbourhood.

I thought we were supposed to teach our children NOT to take lollies from strangers. Would you let your children take lollies from these two men???

Happy Birthday Fishy

Today is Laurie's birthday, and I'm sure it's the first of either of our birthdays that we haven't spent together. He's in Nth Qld in a place called Lucinda which he says is absolutely beautiful with wild life everywhere you look.

Have a great day hun, hope you catch that big barra you've been after. Luv ya and miss ya heaps. xox

p.s. Danny, remember.... special treatment lol

People seem to be attracted to my arse.....

I see that Laurie & Danny have been here a few times since he's been up north so this is as good a place as any to show him this....

Kinda reminds me of the time I got a speeding ticket and didn't wanna tell him face to face so I put it in his lunch box with his sandwiches. By the time he got home from work he was over it.

I am blameless this time tho.

Have you got a beer???

I'd just taken Bek to school and was on my way to the gym (yes Mr. B I'm still going so it's all your fault) and this woman ran up the back of me while I was stopped at traffic lights. Not too much damage to my car but hers was broken bad. I think that my tow bar went through her radiator (and yes... I do know what a radiator is) because I could see through the bent up bonnet and it looked like a v shape and I've seen one of these radiators before so I know that it's not supposed to look like that. All the water ran out on the road and there was smoke coming out from under her bonnet.

She was driving her kids to school, her daughter goes to the same school as Bek, and she had no shoes on, no phone and no licence with her. I've done this myself occasionally when we've been running late. Must remember to not do this anymore.

I felt really bad for her that she felt so bad about it. She lives not far from me so I offered to drive her home. Her husband hadn't left for work so he came out to have a look. He was waiting for her to get home so he could go to work as for some reason they only have one car at the moment. I'm guessin she's gonna be cooking his favorite meal tonite.

I felt really sorry for her, she couldn't stop appologising and kept saying how nice (hard to believe I know) I was about it all.

This is the 4th time since I've had this car that someone has ran up my arse.

Shit happens.

The Fisherman left me for our Best Man

Well, for 12 days anyway. He has gone to Lucinda, near Townsville to stay with Danny and will hopefully be doing a fair bit of fishing. Sadly though, the weather has been shit since he got there yesterday morning..

Queensland.... Beautiful one day, probably shitty the whole time he's up there.

From the sounds of him earlier tonight, they spent the day in the pub, or drinking on the back verandah watchin the chooks and piddling on the lemon trees.

LiL Pinky

THE controversial "Little Pinky" anti-speeding ads could be the most successful road safety campaign NSW has ever had.

The advertisements, in which people wiggle their little finger at speeding male P-platers, has sparked outrage - but appears to be working, News Limited reports today.

A survey testing the ads' impact shows 63 percent of young males - the campaign's target audience - admit it encourages them to stick to the speed limit.

More than 75 percent of people believe it has increased awareness of speeding.

NSW Roads Minister Eric Roozendaal, who had been criticised with claims the ad is offensive to men, said the survey showed the Government was right to run the ads. “If it dents a few egos but helps save lives, then it's worth it,” News Ltd quoted him as saying.

Now I've seen these ads on tv but it's only just occcured to me, that I too should do this when I see a speeding p-plater, and I see many. We should all be doing it. First though, you would have to check to see that it is a boy p-plater and not a girl p-plater. You wouldn't do this to a girl now would you?

I think there are probably the same amount of girls as there are boys. They are nasty too. The boys just want to show off. The girls want everyone to get the fuck out of their way as they tail gate those who won't move over for them, zoom in and out of traffic and wave their rude finger out the window all while talking on the phone.

The question is then.... what WOULD you do to a speeding girl p-plater? I started wondering about this after reading about it in the paper but have come up with nothing. I don't have a very good imagination.... any suggestions?

Late photo's from Nimbo Fork

Not sure if I mentioned it or not, but every

time a fish was caught I wasn't around and

neither was the camera, this one was taken

on a phone so it's not terribly clear.

Also forgot to show you this....

Happy Birthday Andrew

I'm sending you some friends to whip up

a nice meal for your birthday.

Remember.... eat all your vegies,

they're good for you

Nice fresh salad

This guy is making your birthday cake...

here's one he prepared earlier

and.....

Of course you'll need something to eat it all off

Happy Birthday Andrew

I hope you've had a great day

and enjoy what's left of it.

Andrew

Thankyou For Hours of Enjoyment

Keep On Keeping On

"Blogging"

Have A Wonderful Day

Regards Robyn

(Perfect Bitch)
xxx

Nimbo Fork

The Fisherman and I just spent 3 days at Nimbo Fork, won in a Fathers Day competition on 2gb. We left on Saturday morning and had a nice leasurly drive down. We stopped at Gundagai and had some lunch in an old pub and visited the Dog on the Tucker Box.

The country side heading south is so pretty, much nicer than driving north, a lot of the mountains are covered in beautiful purple flowers which I later found out are weeds that everyone hates and have to spray to get rid of. How can anyone hate something that looks so pretty? How????And it's so much greener than north too where everything just looks dry and ready to erupt in flames at any moment. The Hume Highway is a great road to drive on too, there was very little traffic, just nice scenery. Was a nice relaxing trip.

We were almost there & Laurie spotted a nice looking river & almost swerved off the road & was out of the car with his fishing rod & half way down the hill before I knew what was going on. Spent about half an hour there with no luck, I took some nice piccies tho, that's what I do while he fishes.

So, back into the car and head to Nimbo Fork which is between Gundagai and Tumut. What a beautiful place. Laurie was one of 7 people to win this weekend and we were the first to arrive and as we were registering in the office the others started to arrive. The first one in was someone Laurie knew from his fishing club and who only lives about 20 minutes from here. Small world. Out of the 5 others, 3 of them lived in our area. The other two were an old couple who's son won but gave it to dad for his 80th birthday, and a guy from Sutherland and his lil boy.

There are 6 cabins and the main lodge which I think has 4 more rooms.

Our cabin was on the end and had the best view. It looked down on part of the Tumut River and Nimbo Creek, I think that's what they call the Nimbo Fork. It was so nice to look at while we had our morning coffee on the verandah.

The bed was the most comfy bed I have ever slept in, I sunk into it and felt like I was sleeping on a cloud.

And the pillows... omg, the best pillows I've ever rested my head on. Was a waste of time taking my own pillow like Robyn nagged me to do. Took a photo of those too just to prove it to her.

Oh and the bathroom... it had a bath big enough for two to stretch out quite easily. Lucky I thought to pack a bath bomb and I bought some candles at a lil craft show we stopped at in Gundagai. Probably the only thing I didn't like about the cabin was one of the bathroom windows. There were no curtains, which normally I would love if I knew no one could see me. The window facing the back of the cabin had a blind that was more like shade cloth and you could see through it at night time when the light was on but that was fine because it's built on the side of a mountain and is really high up at the back so no one could see in anyway... but the window on the side looked up to a road that the staff use to park at the back of the lodge. I walked up there to have a look and couldn't really see all of the bath but I still didn't like it.... who know's who could be lurking up on the hill when it's dark pervin me while I was havin a tub??? I hung a towell over it when I had a bath.

The Lodge owners, Chris & Maureen were the nicest people, and believe it or not, they used to live in our suburb and still have family living here. They reminded me a bit of Basil and Sybil Fawlty from Fawlty Towers, they do everything there from registering guests to clearing away the dinner tables. They have staff as well but still get stuck in and help. They have two chefs who prepared the most beautiful meals for us all, I swear I've put on a kilo for every meal I ate there. The meals were so nice that I ate more than I normally would and felt uncomfortable after every meal and told myself that I wouldn't eat so much next time but of course never listened to myself when I'd get up there and see/smell/taste what was put infront of me. I even took piccies to show you.

After dinner we'd sit around having a drink and a chat with the others. Rod, the guy from Laurie's fishing club, brought along his wife and two daughters. She doesn't like fishing even more than I don't so we got on real well. Their two lil girls were so delightful and well mannered and happy and soooooooooo keen to fish. Their dad loves it and Laurie was probably jealous because his daughter won't go fishing with him. There were two lil boys too and they all got on well together and were very well behaved and had a great weekend.

And yes.... I went to the fishing lesson. It started at 4.30 and we sat around the bbq area while Chris and Tony, one of the guides, explained the do's and dont's of fly fishing. Then we began the freakin 10 minute walk up the side of a freakin mountain to go to the freakin trout ponds. Well.... to beside the trout ponds to start with.

Chris and Tony then showed us how to fly fish, at this stage I was starting to think that these guys didn't really know what they were doing, they had us throwing our line into the grass. When I commented that I didn't think we'd catch any trout out here they told me we were only practicing. Anyway, I finally got the hang of it and off we all go to the ponds. I gave it a shot but after a while I got a bit bored and it was getting dark and I was freezing cold. When I saw a couple of the others heading back I decided that it would be safe to leave too. Took these piccies on the way back.

Monday morning we headed home, I drove to Goulburn while Laurie slept and then we stopped for coffee and took a photo of the Big Marino, he was fenced off for some kind of restoration, then Laurie drove the rest of the way home... another nice relaxing drive.

Nothing like fishing

"LOOKS LIKE JO AND LAURIE HAVE FOUND NEW FRIENDS"

The BENEFITS of Sex

Did you know that we can determine if a person is

sexually active or not by looking at her skin?

Sex is a beauty treatment, Scientific tests have shown

that a woman who has sexual relations produces big

amounts of estrogen which makes hair shiny and soft.

To make love in a soft and relaxed way reduces

the possibilities of suffering from detmatitis and acne.

The sweat produced cleans pores and

makes the skin soft.

To make love allows us to burn all the calories

accumulated in this romantic love scene.

Sex is one of the safest sports. It strengthens

and tonifies all body muscles. It is more enjoyable

than doing 20 laps in the pool and

you don't need special shoes.

Sex is an instantaneous cure against depression.

It frees endorphines in the blood flow, creating a state

of euphoria and leaves us with a feeling of well being.

The more we make love, the more we have the

capacity to do more. A body sexually active

releases a higher amount of pheromones.

This subtle aroma excites the opposite sex.

Sex is the safest tranquiliser in the world.

It is 10 times more efficient than valium.

To kiss every day allows us to avoid the dentist.

Kisses aid saliva in cleaning teeth and lower the

quality of acids causing enamel weakening.

Sex relieves headaches. Each time we make

love, it releases the tension in veins.

To make love a lot can heal nasal congestion.

Sex is a natural antihistamine.

It helps fight asthma and spring allergies.

Is all this stuff true???

Sounds like it was written by a man.....

Thought Of The Day

Thought Of The Day

Laurie & Danny

Apologies To Those Who Are Offended

Laurie's Birthday is approaching and I know Jo is always trying to think what to get him .
A conversation this morning regarding sewing gave me an idea what Jo could buy him
Laurie got out the sewing kit only to find no needles in there.
HELLOOOOO...... That tells me Jo doesnt even sew. so I have come up with this GREAT !!!! idea
I thought a sewing machine would make a great gift and she could even throw in a few sewing classes.
Bek's got her new school shirts for next year that need altering with a few sewing classes I think he would be able to do them with his eyes closed.
Now Laurie I really have full confidence in you and I know if you put your mind to it you could even take on a new career a ' Tailor ' .
Have a think about it Jo personally I think its a great Birthday gift and a great Career Path for Laurie.

I'm just lost for words.....

Believe it or not.......

I'm goin' fishin'

I was listening to the radio and heard them talking about a Fathers Day competition, it was a weekend for two at a swanky fishing resort. You had to send a photo of dad with his son/daughter and if your name was called out, you had a certain amount of time to call back to go into the draw.

Every time I heard it I'd think... I should send in a photo, but as usual said... I'll do it later. Well the day it was to end I heard it again and decided to do it right way. So I email a photo and father/daughter details even though I didn't think I'd have much chance sending it in so late.

That night Bek answered the phone and someone said... Quick Bek, ring the radio station, your name was just called out. She was so excited she didn't even ask who it was and didn't recognise the voice, still don't know who it was.

So, I call back the radio station and they told me that her dad had won a fishing watch (has moon phase thingy on it and it will tell you the best time to fish each day and will even vibrate half an hour beforehand blah blah blah). He also said that because I called back before the time was up, he would go into the draw for the fishing weekend.

It was drawn on the Friday before Fathers Day and I listened to the radio on and off most of the day and never heard his name called out, and because they didn't ring I assumed that he wasn't one of the seven winners. Wrong... they were just a bit slow ringing. They rang yesterday afternoon and said that he'd won and that I should receive the details in the mail early next week.

It's for two nights at Nimbo Fork, fishing gear and a 2 hour fishing lesson, all meals, and they'll even pack a picnic lunch if you wanna fish all day. It's worth about two and a half thousand bucks. Scored me some BIG brownie points here.

Normally I wouldn't even think of going but after reading the website I TOLD him he was taking me. Check it out, it's a freakin luxury fishing resort... this is my kinda fishing. It's beautiful and looks so relaxing and peaceful.

And ya know what... I'm even going to go to the fishing lesson and I'm going to fish.

Take down the bird feeder

I received this in an email the other day....

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table...everywhere. Then some of the birds turned mean: They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud: They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore.I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio. Soon, the back yard was like it used to be...quite, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now lets see...our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen. Then the illegal's came by the tens of thousands.

Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families: you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor: your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English: Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to press "one" to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than ours are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.

Where there's smoke......

There's usually fire... and there was!!!

Laurie was leaving to go out yesterday afternoon and he was out the front beeping the horn so I went to the door to see what he wanted. He got out of the car and told me that there was smoke coming from the house down the road. For a horrible moment I thought it was the house my parents are moving into. Lucky for them it wasn't but unlucky for someone else two doors up, their garage was on fire. He'd not long finished building it, probably about 2 weeks ago.

My next door door neighbour was out the front and saw the smoke but it was only a little bit and she thought it was the bloke around the corner who sometimes burns stuff but then she noticed it there was more and more smoke so she walked down the street to have a look. There was no one home there so she called out to their next door neighbour and they called the fire brigade. They took 15 minutes to get here from about 5km away. Is this too long? Is it average? I have no idea.

Anyway, by the time they got there the garage had collapsed and three little motor bikes had exploded but they still had a fire to put out. It had spread to their back verandah and to the back corner of the house but they put that bit out first and pretty quickly so luckily their house didn't suffer too much damage.

It was so awful to watch, specially just before the fire brigade came and it collapsed, I thought their house was going to burn down and I kept thinking how horrified they'd be when they returned home.

I don't know these people and none of their neighbours knew a mobile number or any way of contacting them. It made me wonder if my neighbours have mine. I just checked my phone and I have one of my neighbours so she must have mine but I'm going to check later on today.